I was afraid of flying. My body would flood with panic, terror even, when I boarded, or even thought about boarding, a plane. I had prescriptions from my doctor and homeopathic remedies from my naturopath and I filled myself with all the calming combinations just to get down that weird loading hallway and through the little door. I gripped handfuls of gemstones, had songs and books and snacks to distract myself, and still I balanced on the edge of panic the entire flight.

Recently, something changed. I changed. Last week, I boarded a flight and my body felt only ease. I went down the hallway, through the little oval door, landed in my seat, flew for five hours, and felt fine. Fine! As I noticed the absence of discomfort, I appreciated my inner state like it was a true miracle. If felt like a miracle but it is actually neuroscience, somatic therapy, and trauma processing.

I understand how change happens in our nervous system during therapy cognitively. I have learned all about the right brain process of moving through trauma and the repair of attachment wounds. I know it in a left brained way. I have the knowledge. I’ve done the trainings and read the books.

I also completely understand the process in a personal, embodied way because of what I have evolved through with the help of some wonderful teachers and therapists. I know it from the inside out, not just the outside in.

I am very, very grateful.

The truth is, I was never actually afraid of flying. I was afraid of being trapped and not in control. The panic arose from implicit memories connected to a major trauma – what I felt when I was trapped in a vehicle after a horrific crash waiting for emergency responders. When I flew, that unprocessed, overwhelming emotional material was triggered.

I experienced a motor vehicle accident in 2003 that left me with many injuries and in the hospital for five weeks. The physical recovery was a long journey. It was not until I began studying Somatic Attachment Psychotherapy in 2016 that I came to realize there was still emotional work to be done. I came to see that the energy inside of my body still felt like an emergency siren blaring. Intense. I was humbled by how adaptable humans are. We can accommodate states that feel pretty awful, adapt to it like it’s a good daily baseline, and carry on living.

After several somatic therapy sessions, I touched ease for the first time in 13 years.

From 2016 to today, 2025, I have continued my healing journey using expressive modalities like the sand tray and art as well as body based, somatic therapy. It wasn’t just the car accident. I have been privileged to work on relational trauma and emotional patterns in my life.

It has been fascinating to witness myself go through this work – to gain an embodied experience of the cognitive knowledge.

The inside of my body is now often quiet and still, filled with space and ease like the sensations experienced when floating just under the surface in a body of water. Suspended in peace. There is a lot going on at the surface, in the sky, or on the beach, but there is a slow, simple place you can rest in. It’s silent. It’s beautiful. It’s my daily baseline.

Thanks for reading,

Warmly,

Rachael ♡︎