Understanding Nervous System Regulation: How It Impacts Your Mental Health and Your Therapy Practice

If you’ve spent time with me, you’ve heard me describe things or people as regulated or dysregulated and there is a lot of discussion about ways to coregulate. When I talk about regulation, I am referring to the state of the human nervous system — something that has been deeply impactful in both my personal journey and professional practice. The nervous system is a foundational part of the Relational Embodied Play Therapy approach.

My insights come from the works of Stephen Porges and his Polyvagal Theory along with Daniel Siegel’s Window of Tolerance. If you’re interested, you can find plenty of summaries and articles about these theories and their impact on therapy, but here is my attempt to bring these important theories to a more personal level — with my own spin on it, of course.

The Spectrum of Regulation and Dysregulation

It is dependant on what you encounter and if your nervous system perceives safety, threat, or life threat. The good news? You can work with your nervous system to return to a regulated state more often which will create a whole new world of support for your child clients to find more regulation too. Emotional patterns — like bouts of anger or depression — are not a life sentence

Let me explain.

What Is Nervous System Regulation?

Regulation occurs when your nervous system is in a state of balance. It perceives safety in your environment and with the people around. When regulated you are grounded in the present moment, available for social interaction and emotional connection, feeling at ease and capable of navigating life’s challenges with resilience. Being regulated doesn’t mean you’re calm; it means you can handle big emotions and stress while staying connected to your body and to your Self.

Dysregulation: Hyperarousal vs. Hypoarousal

When the nervous system dysregulates, it perceives danger, threat, or life threat and goes in one of two directions: hyperarousal or hypoarousal.

1. Hyperarousal: This is the “fight, flight, or freeze” response we all experience when our sympathetic nervous system activates. In this state, your body is on high alert, with signs like:
   • Increased heart rate
   • Rapid breathing
   • Muscle tension
   • Heightened senses

This heightened state is meant to keep you safe in dangerous situations, like facing a predator. The nervous system cues to body to run away or to fight the threatening opponent. This is all orchestrated to save your life.

2. Hypoarousal: On the opposite end of the spectrum, hypoarousal is a frozen or collapsed or disintegrated nervous system state. In this state, you might experience:
   • Lethargy
   • Emotional numbness
   • Low motivation
   • Disconnection from your surroundings or other people

People in this state can feel overwhelmed and retreat from life. This is when our nervous system immobilizes to feign death.

How Hyperarousal and Hypoarousal Manifest

Someone that experiences hyperarousal in their nervous system may feel:

• Nervousness
• Fear
• Anxiety
• Anger/Rage
• Fast Thoughts
• Inability to sit still or relax

Hypoarousal can be experienced as:

• Low energy and motivation
• Depression
• Disconnection
• Disassociation
• Avoidance

A person can also experience hyperarousal and hypoarousal at the same time. For simplicity, I have explained it in a very delineated way.

Understanding the Stress of Modern Life on Our Nervous Systems

For children, those ongoing stressors could be about their parent’s conflict, navigating life living with sensory sensitivities, a complicated school environment, a parent that is not regulated and available to be present or connected, or a parent that is authoritative and yells.

In addition to day-to-day stress, many people experience trauma, which can further dysregulate the nervous system. Trauma could come from a sudden accident, medical procedures, experiencing violence or it can be a more subtle relational trauma that stems from challenging relations in childhood. When unprocessed, trauma can lead to chronic states of dysregulation that disrupt well-being and the capacity to live a life of ease.

The Importance of Your Window of Tolerance

Everyone has a Window of Tolerance — this is the range of stress and activation your nervous system can handle before it moves into hyperarousal or hypoarousal. This window differs for each person based on several variables including:

• Early life experiences and caregivers
• Traumas
• How well the nervous system has been able to process past events

For some, the window may be narrow, meaning they get dysregulated more easily. For others, it might be wider, allowing for greater flexibility. A narrowed window means that stress, anxiety, or overwhelming emotions will more easily push someone out of regulation.

The good news? Even if your window is narrow due to past trauma or unhealed wounds, it’s possible to expand your window with the right tools, such as somatic healing, nervous system regulation techniques, and trauma therapy.

The Link Between Parental Regulation and Child Behavior

Our nervous systems do regulate our bodies — they also communicate with other nervous systems, especially those closest to us. If you’ve ever been in a great mood, only to have it shift when a stressed family member enters the room, you’ve experienced this firsthand.

Here’s how it works: The strongest nervous system state becomes dominant nervous and will influence others. If you’re calm and grounded, your energy can help regulate others, including your child clients. However, if you’re stressed or dysregulated, your nervous system might activate theirs, decreasing the effectiveness of play sessions.

The takeaway? A therapist’s nervous system state has a direct impact on their client’s emotions, perception of safety, and behavior. If therapists can embody more regulation, they will be better equipped to help their child client find safety and regulation. They can explore opportunities to teach parent’s to regulate which creates a more harmonious environment for everyone.

How to Foster Nervous System Regulation

By becoming aware of your nervous system’s state, you can take steps to increase regulation in your life, in your practice, and for the families that you work with. These steps might include:

• Mindfulness practices like meditation, yoga and breathwork
• Movement to release tension
• Grounding techniques to stay present
• Therapeutic interventions to process past trauma
• Other activities that bring in connection with your Self or feel fun
• Spending time outside

When you and your child client are both able to find regulation, you’ll notice more rapid, positive shifts with challenges outside of session and the child will be open to more emotional connection. Together, you can create a space where both of you feel safe, grounded, and able to handle life’s ups and downs — even if the world outside feels chaotic.

Conclusion: Regulation is Possible and Powerful

Understanding the nervous system’s role in our emotional and physical health is key to navigating modern life with more ease. Whether you’re dealing with challenging behaviors with play therapy clients, your own children, or struggling with emotional patterns yourself, nervous system regulation offers a hopeful path forward. Remember, dysregulation is not a permanent state, and with awareness and practice, you can bring your nervous system back into balance — leading to greater well-being.

For more information about my neuroscience informed, somatic, non-directive style of play therapy please reach out. I work with therapists in play therapy trainings and consultations. I would love to discuss ways we can spend time together learning and growing. Relational Embodied Play Therapy is for everyone.

Thanks for Reading,

Warmly,

Rachael ♡︎